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Mujhe Bahut Pyaas Lagi Hai: Prem Chopra is so cool

Mera naam hai Prem... Prem Chopra! Those were the words he started out with. People think Raj Kapoor was a landmark filmmaker who gave many now-famous actresses their first break in the movies (I don't know if they're such a big deal - Dimple sucks, even though many people seem to like her, and let's not forget... hahahaahah Mandakini!!!!) - but if there is any ONE big actor he gave a big break to, I would have to go with Prem Chopra. Such a magaaaaaaan yinsaaan, starting out in 1976 (wasn't that the year Bobby was released? That was the year I was born and Dimple was supposed to be 16.) and a career that is not quite over yet. (His hilarious Punju-accented lines from Hindustaan Ki Kasam (1998) and Badshah (1999) are still fresh in my mind.)

Prem Chopra has played the same ch'RAKter (as he would say) since Bobby came out almost 30 years ago. OK, so he has been doing some comic roles in the 90s, mainly because he has been replaced by more modern villains. And he is sooo GOOD at it! He got it right the first time, and just kept doing it again and again. That sly smile that immediately tells you he's only "after one thing", that palm rubbing the imaginary stubble on his jaw, the fox-like cunning in his voice, the deliberately slow dialogue delivery that only slightly increases in speed when he is mad but still manages to maintain the same tone somehow... pure gold.

My friend Parla is a big fan. So am I. Who can forget the standard dialogue, "Mujhe bahut PYAAS lagi hai", the kind of stuff he would say to the (as yet unsuspecting) heroine before he makes his intentions clear - I don't mean water, so don't give me any, you dumb bitch, spread your legs and give me some honey??? The Devil is his chauffeur, honey, and lechery his limousine!

It's so easy to guess when Prem Chopra ki neeyat kharab ho jaati hai! For example, consider this scene that Parla told me about in Dec 2003:

I think it's from the movie Daag. Rajesh Khanna and Sharmila Tagore are lovers (maybe even married) and for some reason are visiting Prem Chopra who happens to be Kakaji's friend. Kakaji is out of the house (maybe looking for a REAL job) and PC knocks on the door of the room that he has kindly let the couple stay in. These might not be the exact dialogues, but I hope to have captured the essence of Prem, Prem Chopra:

ST: Arrey, aap! Jee, kahiye...
PC: (sly smile, slow dialogue delivery) Muaaf keejiyega, lekin mujhe apne tijori se kuch samaan nikaalna hai...
ST:  Arrey, zaroor, zaroor, aap hi ka to ghar hai.. Aaie, na!
(PC opens the safe, and takes out a huge bundle of cash)
PC: Aap zara meri madat karengi? Yeh apne haath mein sambhaliye zara.
ST: Zaroor (she takes the bundle in her hands)
(PC hands her some more money from inside the safe, jewels and stuff, too)
(ST is overloaded with money and jewelry, now PC makes his move)
PC: (sly smile, looks at ST holding all that shit) Agar aap chahti hain, to yeh saaaaaab kuch aapka ho sakta hai...

SHAAAAADDDDDYYYYY!!!!!

And, of course, I can imagine ST acting dumb and saying something like, "Jee, main kuch samjhi nahin"... and PC of course smiles at her and repeats his shaaaaaddddy line... and Sharmila Tagore's response probably consists of a linear combination of the following lines:

Mujhe aapki neeyat thik nahin lagti!
Yeh aap kya keh rahein hain!
Main ek shaadishuda aurat hoon!
Ek shaadishuda aurat se aisi baatein karte hue aapko sharam nahin aati?!

And the situation deteriorates with PC's next line, which probably is a subset of the union set of the following lines:

Arrey jaaneman, maan jaao, Rani bankar rahogi!
Bhagti kahan ho jaaneman!
Maine saare darwaze band kar diye hai... bhagne ka koi rasta nahin!

To sum up, Prem Chopra is one of the coolest rapists that ever graced the Hindi film screen, even when he wore those Coke-bottle glasses in Andha Kanoon (or was it Aaj Ki Adalat?) when he was trying to rape Anita Raj.... mmmm... Anita Raj. (wait, was it Anita Raj or someone else? The girl with the skirt that had all those ridiculous zippers?)

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