[April 4, 2005]
A couple of weeks ago, someone told me about Shakti Kapoor's unfortunate brush with "investigative journalism." (read Fox Investigative Team Local News)

I can't find the actual reports by googling them anymore - only the political spins to the original story. Either way, that part is not in the scope of the Timepass pages. It will suffice to say I hate Rajat Sharma. (Did I get that name right? What is that bald, bespectacled douchebag called?) I hate his guts. But, I digress. My rant about 24-hour news television in India does not belong on this page.

What happened: Shakti Kapoor was videotaped demanding sex from a "journalist" pretending to be an aspiring actress in a hotel room. Not only did he demand sex, he also named a few names. This, of course, pissed a bunch of people off , and they wanted him "banned" from Bollywood ("Aaj se Bollywood ke darwaaze tumhare liye hamesha hamesha ke liye band hain!" Dhan dhan dhaaaaaan!!! "Mujhe maaf kar dijiye Ghai sahab, main apni pagdi aapke pairon ke saamne rakhta hoon!"... "Door ho jaao meri nazron se! Apne marey mooh se mera naam mat lo!").

Their spin: SK has ties to The Congress, so they claim the BJP has framed him. The people he named claim that they were neither on the receiving end nor on the giving end of the Bollywood casting couch sexual favours.

My spin: Shakti Kapoor was a villain in a whole lot of movies in the 80s. He got to star in soooo many rape scenes! Most of them were unsuccessful, but he went all the way in quite a few of them. Man, he was getting used to getting paid for doing that to chicks. And then the 80s turn into the 90s, and all of a sudden, Shakti goes from a rapist villain to a retard who has trouble holding his pyjamas up especially when there's a break between verses in a Govinda song (see graph below)

Shakti Kapoor in the 80s - the overconfident rapist

Shakti Kapoor in the 90s - retard

The sudden dearth of chicks to rape left SK a shell of a man he was before. It left him with a need he tried to fulfill in real life, and when some hotshit (That wasn't a typo) journalist pretended to be a starlet, referred repeatedly to him by his first name, and invited him over to a hotel room (which is where ALL PEOPLE hold business discussions, as we know), SK knew this was his chance. So he probably decided to play it real confident.

But seriously, now, he apparently said: "If you are with Shakti Kapoor, no one can touch you"...

Ahahahahahahahahahaha come on now! What an ego! Porki payyan, Shakti Uncle!

If that line were delivered by Amitabh Bachchan or Superstar Rajnikanth, it would be sort of credible, but Shakti Kapoor?!?!?!!? He's not even really from the Kapoor family, now, is he?!

Alright, so they spun it so that it now looks like it was entrapment, and that means he was led on by the journalist, but that still leaves (a) adultery and (b) "If you are with Shakti Kapoor, no one can touch you". Your move, spin doctors.

Within a week of this video being screened on national television, I think SK was back in business. A few apologies had been delivered, a few innocent puppy looks were exchanged, he was turned into a victim, and the next thing we know, Bollywood says, "Subah ka bhoola jab shaam ko ghar laut aata hai, to use bhoola nahin kehte!" and lets him back in.

How's this? Subroto found out about the scandal when he was looking into one of Bollywood's and Shakti Kapoor's latest movie ventures - a sequel to the mid-80s alsatian starrer, Teri Meherbaaniyaan. Can you believe that? Jackie Shroff and Poonam Dhillon both die in the first movie, and leave the dog behind. Wonder what happens in the second one. One thing's for sure - this sequel, Teri Meherbaaniyaan Part II, won't bomb at the box office. Wanna know why? "If you are with Shakti Kapoor, no one can touch you!"

Porki payyan, audience uncle!