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Enter, Stranger, at your riske: Here There Be Spoilers

If you came here from some other page, and not my own links, maybe you want to leave - I am going to fill this page in with all the spoilers I can find - but spoilers from Bollywood films, not Hollywood films.

What is a spoiler? Some information someone else gives you or you read somewhere (maybe on the internet?) about a movie or book that you haven't seen/read yet and it ruins whatever suspense you are looking forward to. A really funny example of a spoiler is this Maddox page from 1999.

My experience with spoilers has not been too bad, barring one instance.

The only major Hollywood movie spoiler that I was subjected to was when some dumbass was trying to give me an outline of the movie The Sixth Sense and it started out with "Bruce Willis is a ghost and..."

Oops! Did I spoil this movie for you? Tough luck, bitches! It is a film from 1999, you would have seen it by now if you really wanted to!

My major Hindi movie spoiler was also the inspiration for this particular webpage. I wanted to capture the sentiments of the graffiti artist who was responsible for this spoiler. Let me set up the scene for you and then point you towards the graffiti itself (or, a coarse representation of said graffiti)...

It is either 1994 or '95, and I am returning home after college. I take the train everyday from Matunga to Vikhroli on the way back. The first station stop on the Central Railway Line in Bombay after Matunga is Sion. The train is almost about to pull out of Sion station when I notice that someone has graced the station walls with very useful information about a recent Bollywood movie. This person has not just provided that information at one location, but has repeated his or her message over and over so that no matter what compartment of the train you are in, you get to see the message. As the train pulled out of the station, I could see each of these lines fly past me, thusly:

Teesra Kaun?


The movie Teesra Kaun starred Mithun, CHUNKY PANDEY, Javed Jaffrey, Sadashiv Amrapurkar and Amol Palekar among other people, and it involved some incident on a train and two suspects are accounted for, but they don't know who the third one is (Teesra Kaun?) and hence, the suspense in the movie, that was thankfully removed by this magnificient work of art that I witnessed at Sion station. My funniest spoiler story. You see, many times you can watch a movie preview or even look at a movie poster and guess who the killer is. For example: just by viewing the preview for Taking Lives, you can tell Ethan Hawke is upto no good (thanks, Subroto, for agreeing and verifying this fact)... Unfortunately, Teesra Kaun stars Sadashiv Amrapurkar (this is meant to divert your attention from Amol Palekar) - which is why I thank the artist of the Sion Station Sistine Chapel for making it clearer for us.

On to some movies, and whodunits:

Movie: Khiladi
What: Sabeeha is murdered
Spoiler/Whodunit: He's from my college! Yes, friends and neighbours, meet Anant Mahadevan (plays Sabeeha's uncle in this movie) !!!

Movie: The Train
What: A woman gets onto trains with unsuspecting men, steals their money and is being helped by a gang of hoodlums - all the evidence points to Nanda, Kakaji's life and love
Spoiler/Whodunit: HELEN! Wearing a Nanda mask is as easy as pie when you are secretly in love with Kakaji!

Movie: International Khiladi
What: A confusing story full of flashbacks embedded in flashbacks embedded in flashbacks, all making up a kickass hilarious movie starring RAJAT BEDI, MUKESH KHANNA and VIVEK SHAUQUE. Oh yeah, Akshay Kumar makes appearances from time to time.
Spoiler/Whodunit: Twinkle's flashback is a lie! Akki doesn't rape her in the squash court! She makes up that story because RAJAT BEDI (who actually DunIt because he can't take the fact that the girl he secretly loves is sleeping with Devraj of Devraj, Ink... oops sorry, Devraj, Inc.) convinces her that Akki killed her brother VIVEK SHAUQUE (once again, RAJAT BEDI DunIt) so she should give false testimony to trap Akki and send him to jail. Little does RAJAT BEDI know that this movie also stars SUBBI RAAJ of Paying Guest fame, who gives Akki 48 hours to go catch the real killer.

Movie: Do Gaz Zameen Ke Neeche
What: Professor X's wife is in love with the villain, and they decide to kill him. The first attempt turns him into a paraplegic, and they hire a day nurse (who falls in love with him). The second attempt kills him and he comes back as a ghost.
Spoiler/Whodunit: It is summed up by the Professor in the last second of the movie: "Woh sab ek naatak tha" [The End] Huh?!

Movie: Jaani Dushman
What: Brides wearing red sarees are terrorized by monster that looks suspiciously like Jaambvan from Ramayan. Jaambvan has a star-studded (soo many studs!) supporting cast.
Spoiler/Whodunit: Sanjeev Kumar is Jaambvan, the monster originally possessed Amrish Puri's body and changed to Sanjeev's body on the day of his honeymoon. His own sister was raped while still in her bridal red dress.

Movie: Agent Vinod
What: Agent Vinod must uncover the secret identity of the Boss of the Underworld thugs who have captured some stupid scientist
Spoiler/Whodunit: Agent Vinod's own best friend, PINCHOO KAPOOR! (Who saw that coming?)

Movie: Kaun?
What: Three people (Urmila, Manoj, Sushant) stuck in Urmila's bungalow... is something strange going on?
Spoiler/Whodunit: Yeah! Urmila's gone bonkers! She's "psychic" (as someone said on a stupid Zee TV show that I once saw) and has killed the houseowner, and proceeds to kill off everyone she can find.

Movie: Don
What: Amitabh is framed for an Interpol (PINCHOO!!!) officer's murder and is on the run
Spoiler/Whodunit: Haha! Pinchoo Kapoor was the real Interpol office, and Genda Murgi was the fake Interpol officer, he is in reality the rival Don, Vardaan!

More to come... send me your spoilers at sundar@pha.jhu.edu...


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