Yeah, she really knows how TO IRRITATE ME! I am going to try as hard as
I can NOT to swear when I talk about her on this page. Let us consider
this a test of some sort and see if I pass. Tamil/Telegu movie
watchers, tell me how you tolerate this bitch? (Shit! I already failed
the test. FUCK IT, here goes!)
Since childhood, the only time I have felt inconvenienced living in one
bedroom flats/houses is when the television is on and someone (parents)
is watching some stupid fucking Tam flick. Either that, or ZEE TV.
Motherfuck... but I will deal with Hasratein and Tara on some
other page, maybe. What pisses me off about South Indian cinema? A lot
of things. I can not for the life of me understand why they have to
make a melodrama out of everything. Case in point is this pigfucker
Visu. He considers him a great director and all that. To make matters
worse, he also started hosting a program on Sun TV (or was it Raj TV?
Who gives a rat's ass?) called Visuvin
Arattaiarangam. This is one thing I found very peculiar about
Tams, at least in the 90s, I don't know if it still happens. EVERY
FUCKING HOLIDAY, be it a festival or some national holiday, they would
host a debate, or pattimandram.
They would host dozens of geeks and ass clowns who had no business or
authority talking about whatever they were debating, to top that, the
debate topics were the shittiest ones anyone could pick. For example,
one of the debate topics was: [some ass-clown poet]'s poetry: was it
more for public service or for women's liberation? Or some shit like
that. WHO GIVES A FUCK? It's Diwali, just shut the fuck up and bring
out the bimbo actress who will talk about what shampoo she uses on her
pomeranian dog's ass hair for the next hour.
I seem to have strayed from my original target, Suhasini, but all these
people and things wallow in the same clogged gutter. Visuvin Arattaiarangam...
let us
bring that up again. Visu travels from city to Tam city hosting this
show which involves a bunch of no-good local government workers (or
other people who have nothing to do the whole day but bitch about how
hard they have to work on using their foot-ruler to draw lines in their
register while they sit on their fat asses and bitch about... well, you
know)... did I mention they are ILLITERATE??? OK, they went to a Tamil
medium school, WHICH IS THE SAME THING. That teaches you nothing about
anything except how Vairamuttu's poetry was all about the beauty of
Tamil. By the way, I haven't ever heard a woman's beauty being compared
to the beauty of a language - quite a few Tam songs do that. Go figure.
Anyway, coming back to Visu's debate program. They pick some shitty
topic, and then the audience (yes, there is one, sitting on those
folding metal chairs with a wedding-like mood, and those pedestal fans
offering whatever passes for ventilation in this hellhole of a town
(think Coimbatore or Kovai for example!) gets all excited about it - it
could be as mundane a topic as prices or something as cliched as
overpopulation, but you should see the participants get all steamed up
about it... and once they do, you better watch out! The waterworks
begin, figuratively. So much melodrama, and each sentence has to either
start with or end with seer
(the illiterate Tam version of sir) if the participant is female and saar
if male. Who gives a fuck what you people think? You don't even have
the necessary background to act knowledgeable about whatever topic you
are discussing!
Let me give you an example. They were talking about some stupid topic
or the other, and suddenly this middle-aged guy launches into an
anti-North India rant... he starts saying how everything in North India
is fake, like the actors and actresses, maybe he even mentioned
something about how their heroines show a lot of skin (wait - I thought
most softcore porn movies were dubbed from Tamil and Malayalam into
Hindi! Case in point: Pyaasi Patne
[sic])... and as if to prove his point that they even have fake names,
he utters Raveena Tandon's name, except while mispronouncing Tandon to
rhyme with tan done, which shows he had probably never ventured out of
Kovai in the first place, or he would have known that Tandon is not an
uncommon last name. Fuck him.
Visu is one of the worst melodramatic pieces of shit this country will
ever know. People who watch and like Arattaiarangam
should stop bathing in their own shit.
Wow, looks like I really am bitter today, huh!
We're not there yet, Justin.
Suhasini. Oh yes. Here's the thing. The first line from Ohmwho's A
Little Bit of Hurting (Get Me A Gun) goes, Get me a gun, I wanna kill that child...
and is the result of the lyricist's being in the same room as someone
watching one of the two most evil Suhasini movies ever made - Sindhu Bhairavi [the
other being Manadhil
Urudhi Vendum]
For those of you who (mercifully) haven't seen it, it's about how a
Carnatic musician's life is torn between his devoted wife (played by
this always-martyr bitch, I hate her almost as much as Suhasini) and
his lover (no prizes for guessing who that is!)... Of course, the
girlfriend also has some sort of "complicated" life, which is supposed
to make you feel sorry for her. Except, it is Suhasini, and whenever
she does that laughing-crying thing... the tears and the high-pitched
laughter at the same time - I feel like reaching into the TV and
kicking her in the face. She does this in each one of her movies, and
people call Govinda repetitive.
Funny thing about Sindhu
Bhairavi
- it has inspired a soap spinoff. Sindhu is missing from the series,
and here's my theory as to where she went: she was gobbled up by the
wife. Goddamnit, this martyr bitch now looks like a cube. Her width is
equal to her height and that is equal to her depth. I have heard of
galactic cannibalism, but this is ridiculous! You have to see her to
believe me.
Wow, that was a long rant about nothing. Still, I hate Suhasini. I also
hate her husband, and will probably devote a separate page to him
someday. Did I mention I hate K. Balachander? In fact, let me play it
safe and add every Tamil filmmaker to the list. What we need is a Tamil
Upendra!