Great. I was looking through some of my old emails and I came across this email that I sent Subroto when he told me about this magaaan movie whose poster he saw somewhere online.

Let's say we had a competition, where you had to look at a Hindi movie poster, and make up a story for the whole movie from this poster. Could you do it? Well, could you? Weeeellll... TOO LATE!! I won!

Here's the poster: (from this website, kya magaan... look for other gold deposits here! The poster also has the website for Ultra Video, and if I were you, I would go there.)

And here's my prize-winning entry:

The more I look at this image, the more I see in it.

Dr. Khorana's [That refers to the character played by Navin Nischol in Aa Ab Laut Chalein] chance to make it big in the cinemas again, and prove that he truly IS the poor man's (and woman's) Rajesh Khanna....movie ka story:

Ek akela Birju (Thakur Brijeshwar Singh, grandson of Thakur Vishweshwar Singh, wise wealthy ruler of Panchgaon and son of Hawaaldar
Someshwar Singh, who died an untimely death at the hands of Daku Gujral Singh) is amir because he has rightfully gotten his jaagir thanks to the
people who are content with his rule though oppressed by the tyrant Jaagir Singh, son of Daku Gujral Singh. But he is akela in his dream to fight
crime and rid his people of the evil of Daku Jaagir Singh and his band. With the blessings of his mentor Ramu Kaka, and with his trustworthy horse
Moti (Neiggghhhhhh!! like Frau Bluher in Young Frankenstein), the night watches this daytime Mild Mannered Eligible Bachelor take on a different
guise... a disguise in which NONE can recognise him - Zorro! "Chalo Moti!" Neighhhhh! Takadak, takadak, takadak, takadak - gallops off into the night.. and as he does:

(Dhan dhan DHAAAAAN!!!)
(Takchikadigujun takchikadigujun) - movie main credits start...

Of course, to lend some "eastmancolour" to the proceedings, we have poor but streetsmart Bijli ("Ey sehri babu! Hum logan ko ka samajhke rakhkhe ho?!
Hum jeb se fakeer hain par dil se ameer hain!"), played by Rekha, who earns a living by driving people from the railway 'taysan to the gaon in her trustworthy
horse chariot driven by her mare, Soniya (of course, Moti and Soniya do the Humpty Dance eventually - the cries of neigghhhhh! neigghhhhh! start sounding
very much like Zeenat Aman begging Shakti Kapoor for mercy), just so she can provide for her boodha and andha baap (Bapu, probably played by A. K. Hangal) and her drunk but soft-hearted brother Dhondu (who, in the course of the movie, accidentally tattles on Zorro to Jaagir's henchmen)...

More colour on the scene: the band of gypsies that live just outside the gaon, headed by Sardaar and Chameli (Aruna Irani), a complete knife wielding seductress... "Ey Joro babu! Yun apne aankhon se hamein maarte ho jaise koi hunter se ghode ko marta hai" to which, of course, Zorro replies, "Ey ladki! Main kabhi Moti ko marta nahin" (Neighhhhh!)

Jaagir Singh is wanted by the police, but the police in Panchgaon are powerless to defend them against this menace, so they ask for a little
help from the Central Government, and all they get in return is an honest but bumbling inspector Hamid Muradabadi (providing the mandatory minority
mirth machine) - how can he hold his own in this village when he can hardly hold his pants up? (I saw that Mukri is also in the cast, so this is gonna be him) - and all he does is suspect Zorro of being the cause of Panchgaon's misery (The judges of the contest asked me if I knew anyone named Sergeant Garcia, and I asked them if he was related to anyone called Jonathon McCulley or Walt Disney. They replied, "Dekho bete, yeh jahaaaz...")

Jaagir Singh has his own plans for the Central police. When Inspector Hamid organizes a fake MELA so that he can catch Jaagir Singh stealing beshumaar heeray that Birju has graciously offered to catch the culprit, Jaagir disguises himself as an outsider - very very very far outside! - and shows up at the mela with an interpretor showing interest in the diamonds (see poster) and saying that he has come from a ;land very far away, with white cotton towels and cooker gasket rings on his head to see them - which goes to show that even though this is a very evil man we are talking about, true to the low budget movie, he also gets sometime trying to make people laugh... he will probably have a song here with five of his "arab" cronies (one of them DEFINITELY Mac Mohan) at the end of which they extinguish Maata Ke Mandir ka chiraag (its a village, you morons, do you expect them to douse the electric lights instead?!) and run away with the heeray and of course, Bijli...

Will Zorro go end this menace? Will Birju be able to rescue the woman he is slowly falling in love with, and has already had three songs picturized with her dancing around the trees and the scenic Observation Post flowers?

I don't know that, but I will tell you this: The answer to all the questions above is yes, and of course, Aruna Irani's character, who has been secretly in love with Zorro, and who knows his secret identity (because she took off his mask when he had been hit by a bullet and she removed it with her trustworthy gypsy knife) will die saving Birju and Bijli, but not before she can have her pre-death monologue.

Bhaiiyon aur behnon, jaanna chahte hain to dekhiye....

ZORRO!!!

(Applause from the judges, and I was awarded The Ribbon for 2002)

Final note: This movie even has an imdb link to it! It turns out that this movie also has Bhagwan (he could be the bumbling inspector if Mukri was Bijli's brother) and Om Shivpuri (he could either be Birju's dead dad - that way we can show his portrait at the Thakur Bungla all the time, or he could be the mute Ramu Kaka who teaches Birju everything there is to know about wearing a mask... How do you say dekho, bete... yeh jahaaz... in sign language, I wonder?) Asit Sen could be her brother, or he could be the inspector - but I think he would do well as the rich moneylender in town or maybe even the jeweller whose shop is looted by Daku Jaagir Singh. Bindu's in the movie, so I'm guessing there's going to be a tawaaif-khaana in town, too.